


Today

by space_kid



Category: Welcome to Night Vale
Genre: Angst, Carlos is a Good Boyfriend, Drinking, Guilt, M/M, Mirrors, Sad Cecil, Self-Hatred, lmao what eeeeven
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-29
Updated: 2016-01-29
Packaged: 2018-05-16 23:43:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,232
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5845498
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/space_kid/pseuds/space_kid
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Cecil doesn't like reflections that flicker- or reflections at all, for that matter. He doesn't like the person he sees.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Today

**Author's Note:**

> straight outta @childspace  
> das ma tumblr lmao  
> thats where this is originally  
> as you can see it was a smashing it with 5 notes  
> a clear winner  
> thats my sarcasm tone  
> im atleast a lil happy with it  
> ...right?

He didn’t like his reflection.

He always tried his hardest to not come into contact with it, boarding up his mirrors or turning them around to face nothing, their power weakened. In all honesty, even the threat of a reflective surface bothered him to no end, but Carlos needed the mirrors and the last thing Cecil wanted to do was make things more difficult for his lover.

Things already could’ve been better for the two, what with living in a place as weird and dangerous as Night Vale. Cecil never admitted it to Carlos, but a part of him wanted to destroy whatever was going on between them. A sliver of himself wanted to break and tug at his hair and scream at Carlos until his throat burned and his eyes stung. Somewhere in Cecil was a desire to become more broken then he believed he already was.

He didn’t like to think of himself, didn’t like to look back on who he was and what he’s done. Cecil feels undeserving of someone like Carlos. He shouldn’t have someone as great as him to curl up with at night. What about his family? His friends? Carlos never mentions them, does that mean he is no longer on speaking terms with them? They have to miss their scientist, he is someone you would miss if they’re gone for a day or two, let alone 4 years of absence. Why was Carlos still here?

Of course Cecil loved Carlos, loved him more then anything, but in the dead of night when Carlos is asleep by his side and no one is there but Cecil and his thoughts, he wonders if he should let him go. _If you love something, set it free. _Cecil didn’t want to let Carlos go, but he had to put Carlos first. He had to think of the scientist’s well being before his own, he had to think about the future. Surely he would get bored of Night Vale and all is abnormalities at some point. He already had, when he was in that Desert Otherworld. Night Vale lost it’s spark, and he moved on. Where ever Carlos was before Night Vale had also lost it’s spark, or else he never would’ve left. This small desert community could never always be enough for Carlos.__

He eyes grew wet with tears and he tried to regain himself. But he knew. He knew Carlos shouldn’t be here. He knew he had practically kidnapped him, taken him away from his home and friends. Cecil was a thief.

Shaky feet hoisted himself off the bed quietly, and padded to the bathroom, flipping the light on. Not even the thought of the Secret Police or Faceless Old Women close by was comforting.

Carefully, Cecil removes the sheet covering the mirror. It floats toward the ground effortlessly, but all Cecil’s attention is on himself.

Bags under his eyes, skin wrinkled delicately with age, just tired. Cecil looked exhausted. The drowsiness dug into his bones and made him weak, and clearly it had been a while since he knew a restful night. Everything just looked saggy and sad. It was as though Cecil was emotionally melting.

He hated what he saw, hated the face of a thief. Hated the eyes that have seen death and shied away from it. Hated the mind that only thought of himself. Hated the mouth that spewed lies of safety and wellbeing. Hated the man standing before him, him and his selfish ways.

“…Cecil?”

He looks behind himself in the reflection, seeing Carlos standing behind him and tired but alert eyes. He looked at Cecil without wavering, and Cecil wished he would stop.

“What are you doing?” He asked quietly. Cecil swallowed.

“Nothing,” he replies, still not facing the scientist. “It’s nothing.”

Carlos’ eyes narrowed. “What’s wrong, baby?”

Cecil clenched his fists until it hurt, and tried to regain his breathing. “Nothing,” he spits out, closing his eyes harshly and squeezing them shut. He is disgusted with the way he’s talking to Carlos, but the more he worries about Cecil, the stronger the grip on his lab coat, keeping him here, with him. Carlos should just leave now.

Suddenly, a pair of arms are around his waist, pulling him back against a warm body, and a warm breath is on his neck, and Cecil’s eyes go wide.

"Cecil, please,” whispered, gently, “don’t lie about this.”

Carlos is looking at the reflection with Cecil, and he wants to escape his grip. He remains still, however. How long can he stay here?

Cecil sighs heavily, shakily, and he hates it. “Don’t worry about me.” A weak smile. “I’m fine.”

Carlos moves his hand to intertwine with the radio host’s, and nuzzles his neck.

“That might work on the radio, but it won’t work on me.” He presses a gentle kiss, and Cecil fights the urge to move away. “If you’re upset, you can talk about it with me.”

“No. I can’t.” It tumbles out of Cecil’s mouth by accident, and he shuts his jaw like a bear trap. Carlos, beside him, frowns.

“Why not?”

Cecil is shaking now, but doesn’t want to break. “I just… can’t…”

“Cecil,” Carlos pleads, moving to grip Cecil’s shoulders tightly and look at him, eyes full of wonder, and Cecil feels his heart break. Why can’t he just leave? “Please talk to me.”

Cecil’s defenses crack, on his brings his arms around Carlos’ neck, pulling him tight and burying his face into the warmth of his neck. Carlos, slightly taken aback, wraps his arms around Cecil’s waist, bringing him close. Cecil knows how dangerous this is, to get Carlos this close. But for once, just once, he was going to give in and feel the warmth surround him, dance around him.

Cecil turns his head close to Carlos’ ear. “I’m tired,” he whispers, and Carlos releases his grip. His face reads of confusion, but Cecil just wants to forgot tonight.

He takes Cecil’s hand, and guides him to bed, gently. He squeezes it, but Cecil does not squeeze his hand back. He prepares to blame his fatigue.

Carlos lifts the sheets to allow access to the bed, and the two crawl under into the warmth. Carlos rolls so he’s facing Cecil, and the two simply look at one another, Cecil is, however, too busy thinking of how to let Carlos go.

“I love you,” Carlos whispers in the dark, and Cecil feels his heart stutter.

“I love you too.” Because he does, and he hates it.

After Cecil hears Carlos’ breath even out, he turns to the edge of the bed. Reaching down, he pulls a bottle of brandy out from an opened drawer. Carefully, he sits up, silently, and takes a long drag from the bottle. He feels it burn all the way down, a fire erupting all over, and he welcomes the flames.

* * *

Carlos wakes up with sun in his eyes, warm and blinding. He grins softly at the new day, and carefully, reaches under his pillow. Feeling his prize, he pulls it out, heart beating quickly.

The snoring beside him tells him Cecil is still asleep, and Carlos grins again without even noticing it. Quietly, he opens the box and the silver band shines at him, a glittering promise.

_Today, _he tells himself. _Today. _____

* * *

Cecil sleeps on, eyes tear stained and cuddling a bottle of brandy.

**Author's Note:**

> i edited this on my phone and i hate doing that so i seriously hope this doesnt suck and yall have a good day


End file.
